When Forgiveness Seems Too Much to Expect

It was customary for my mom and me, my boyfriend, his sister, and his parents to go out to eat at Kip’s Big Boy every Sunday night after church. It was our date night of the week. We lived many miles apart so it was a big deal for us to have this time together. We sat at a separate booth from the older folks. It was him and I on one side and his little sister sitting across from us – giggling as she spied under the table and saw us holding hands. We had been together since he was 13, me, 12. He had just turned sixteen, got his driver’s license and he was so excited that his dad had consented to let him take me for a ride around the block in his dad’s brand new 1963 Buick Electra. Free at last! Thank God Almighty! We were free at last!

I squeezed in close to him (no console back then) and we were off for our 10-minute excursion. He was so proud as we drove down one block and then on the parallel street to Kips, he did what any 16-year-old might do. He speeded up, hit a big dip in the road that catapulted us to the ceiling of the car (no seat belts back then) and we heard a pretty loud "KER-THUNK". Serious damage was done to the car and I think I remember hearing “the bottom fell out”. I’ll never forget my boyfriend bitterly crying and lying across the front of the car saying in utter regret “Dad, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry!” It was then that I witnessed his loving dad wrap his arms around his boy and say “Son, I forgive you. It’s okay. We’ll take care of it.” It made a lasting impression on me of what true forgiveness looks like. BTW, I married that boy two years later.

That story reminds me of the love of the father of the prodigal son who squandered his inheritance, yet when his father sees him coming down the road to home, he embraces him and kisses his lost son. The father represents God. The truth about forgiveness is that it is not a natural response and it isn’t for the person we’re forgiving. It’s for us. I heard once "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Unwillingness to forgive eats away at our hearts and souls, while forgiveness frees us.

No greater forgiver was Jesus, Who after the lies, beatings, denials and pain, said: "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." In the Bible, “forgive” is on the lips of Jesus 43 times. Forgiveness was a gift Jesus was happy to give. Jesus gave forgiveness as a gift to people who didn’t do anything to earn it and to others who didn’t seem to deserve it. Jesus still does that today. Forgiveness is the trademark of Christians – or at least it should be. I put myself on the line every time I say the Lord’s Prayer: “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

There are so many wrongs in this world that are grossly unfair, brutal and reprehensible on what might have been done to us. For me to speak about forgiveness when I don’t know what was done to you seems ludicrous. But, it’s not me speaking. It is our loving Heavenly Father who put His Son front and center on the stage of “This is what forgiveness looks like!”

The Apostle Paul said, "Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ." (Ephesians 4:32) Sure seems like a tall order, but one that comes with sweet rewards. We can move on with our lives, have freedom from the pain of the past and enjoy greater happiness in the present. That kind of love says "You're forgiven!" We may not forget, but we are at least free from the burden of unforgiveness. It’s not that we dismiss the pain but it does mean we recognize that even our greatest wounds and deepest pain will one day be transformed into beauty by our God who wastes nothing.