Pick Your Battles

Have you heard the phrase “Pick your battles?” Oh, I have certainly spared myself grief because I stayed silent when giving my opinion could have cost me my peace. And I have also chosen to speak my mind and wished I hadn’t afterwards. It wasn’t worth the battle that ensued.

My dear sis-in-law and I were talking yesterday and she was telling me about mom’s memory slipping (certainly can be expected for a nearly 98-year-old). She said that mom will insist on the way something happened in the past or as recent as yesterday and though Karen knew that’s not how the story went, she chose to not argue with Mom about it. And, that is so brilliant of her because she has learned to “pick the battles” that matter and those that don’t.

Another picture that came to mind was a few years ago when my grandson started to grab the middle cinnamon rolls that are softer and yummier ones. But little sister also wanted them. His mom looked at him and said “Choose wisely!” He took the outside roll, and oh, sweet peace, ensued. It’s what married couples learn over the years -- to stand down in a disagreement when “being right” didn’t really matter anyway.

“Pick your battles” simply means there is a time to battle and a time to back down and save the fight for another day…or never. Backing down is not always easy. Sometimes our pride gets in the way. Instead of weighing the pros and cons, we make unwise decisions to prove a point. Proverbs 16:18 says, “a prideful heart always leads to destruction.” What is there to prove if we’ve lost everything in the process?

It is just as courageous to back down for the sake of others as it is to stand and fight. In times like these when so much seems to be more wrong than right, we can surely express our opinions and our trust, AND we can stand down when it comes to hatefulness and bitterness to the opposition. We can take victory laps when we let the cat have our bed, so to speak. We can encourage ourselves often, even in the little things – the little wins -- and do our best to rise above our wants, our needs, our desires and choose to follow the example of Jesus when He walked away from conflict time and again. There were times when He made His point (i.e., driving out the moneychangers at the temple), but He was resolute in being a peacemaker and waymaker – which made for such better press than war-maker and stone-thrower. The tighter and closer we are to Jesus in principle and action – the more victory laps we’ll take because we chose our battles wisely!

Philippians 2:14-16 “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain."

The Perfect Date or BORING!!

Perfect Date -- being entirely without fault or defect : flawless; satisfying all requirements, accurate.

When my daughter and I were posing for this photo, we meant it to be funny, and it is, but I started giving it more thought. Here are two women with two men who don't see us or speak to us. What boring dates! LOL! On the other hand, some might say -- the PERFECT DATE -- we didn't need to dress up or put on make-up, and we could talk and talk without resistance.

I know there are many women AND men out there who live in that existence. Women feel like their husbands could care less about them, how they look and what they say. Those men stay glued to their computer or TV, with little thought for giving their wives or children attention. It's also the case for many men who feel that their wife gives more attention, concern and care to their children and others than to them.

That wasn't the case last Sunday when we arrived back from a 3-1/2 day retreat. Those husbands had been in charge of the family for those days we were away, and after the 11:30 am service, I could see husbands AND their children hugging and kissing Mama! I said to one couple who was holding on to each other for dear life "Okay, you need to get a room!" LOL!
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It’s easy to look back on my past and see all the things I could have done better. My life has been blessed, but it took the death of my sweet husband to realize just how blessed my life really was. That's why I sense such responsibility to pass along wisdom I’ve gained to tell all you husbands and wives to treasure the lives you have together. Treasure them by investing into it.

How many times do you argue with your spouse over the silliest things? The toothpaste lid, who makes dinner, the toilet seat being left up, telling each other how to drive? Trust me when I say, it's not worth it. It's a waste of time to spend time over pointless drama when you can be laughing and smiling at all the joy that surrounds you. Cultivate your relationship by deliberately setting aside time for quality communication, sweet moments of telling each other just how valuable they are to you and the family, and to really listen to each other. Protect your marriage by investing in it with intentional, deliberate times together.

For all the things I regret not knowing or doing before my husband’s death, what I don’t regret is my decision to live a full and passionate life after his death. I’ve promised myself I won't miss an adventure and I will laugh and live life with all the joy and happiness I can find. We can't go back and change the past, but we can all change our present, our future AND the memories we will have with our loved ones. We can learn from our mistakes and we can make sure we LOVE LARGE and we can make sure we live each day in the richest way we can -- in the moments!