When You See Someone’s Reality and It Jolts You

That moment when you offer a picture of your life so that others on social media might be able to grasp your reality? I know there are those who do that because they need prayer support, encouragement, and some motivation to keep on carrying on. No question, we all need encouragers. Oftentimes, when we think no one else has an idea what we're going through, God shows us someone else’s reality that is painstakingly worse than ours. It gives us pause and a reality check that others might also need our encouragement and support.

I saw a post by a precious mom, who really has had her hands and heart full for a very long time in the care of her 10-year old, very sick child who is still in diapers. Her post included an image of a huge stack of diapers. The post read: “Dear Jesus, I’m really tired of changing diapers. Love a very tired Momma."

Then, I saw comments: “I have 5 kiddos and "J" is still in them too. We should be diaper ambassadors.” Another mom said: “I honestly can’t imagine how many I have changed. Andrew is 15 and 2 other boys and now Kinsley, the past 2 years along, with Andrew still.” Then, another mom said: “I feel ya’, momma. When I hear someone complain about diapers, I laugh at them and tell them my oldest is 21 so I have been changing diapers for 21 straight years now. I haven't done the math though. LOL!" Yet, another mom said: “Well – I’ve been changing diapers since 1977. When my children were out of diapers, I was doing day care in my home. I figure there are worse things in the world than diapers. We’ve got this, my friends!”

That last gal showed up with beautiful sentiments -- not to mention such a positive, grateful outlook. The first mom replied to her “You take the award. I haven’t even been alive that long. No words, but I hope I get your positive outlook with time!“
While that post both touched me with empathy for those precious moms, it rang a bell that I hope we can all hear ringing! No matter how tough life is for us right now – there’s reason for gratitude, because, no doubt, there is always someone who is going through even tougher times. Really, in all times and situations, regardless how tough they are, there is Someone Who gets us and knows what we’re going through – whether it’s a hang-nail or loss of a job or a broken heart or caring for a bedridden loved one.

God’s premier self-description is “the compassionate and gracious God”. (Exodus 34:6) That means that both our pain and our prayers affect him, and He has us on his heart. He takes our burden on Himself and remembers us. As we imitate our Father, we should want to feel the burdens of others, too.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

So, we call, e-mail, post, track down the suffering at their home or church. We have them on our heart, and we want them to know it. So, for all of us on the outside looking in at hurting people, it’s up to us to say something. Do something and remember them. That is the basic idea. In the case of those precious women who were encouraging the first woman with their words at the first of this blog, I encourage you to carry on. You are valiant, loving and non-quitting – YOU ARE OUR HEROES.

Whatever it is -- Let’s Face it Together

Have you had that kind of friend who wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. You may have said, “No, I can do it myself” or “No, I’ll be okay” or “No, I’ll figure out a way to handle this myself.” But, they would not leave you or forsake you. They were relentless in their efforts to help you. Don’t we want that kind of friend -- even though we don’t want to put them out or take their time? Well, I have friends like that – especially since I’ve been here in Tulsa the last couple of weeks. They have been relentless in seeing after me, bringing me meals, taking me to the doctor, and checking in on me. I’m okay -- nothing serious on my part – but they are friends who don’t take “no” for an answer.

It is a reminder to me of the story in the Book of Ruth of Naomi and her two daughter-in-laws, Orpah and Ruth. All three women had recently suffered the loss of their husbands. In the depths of Naomi’s grief, she encouraged the girls to go back to their people, and to start a new life. It didn’t take much convincing for Orpah to leave. But Ruth saw right through Naomi’s pain. She refused to go, doubling down on her commitment to Naomi. Ruth was blessed with generosity, compassion and empathy. Even though she had no obligation to Naomi, her love for her mother-in-law and friend made her fiercely loyal.

“‘Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." (Ruth 1:16)
I have read that story many times and my husband and I even said Ruth’s words to Naomi in our wedding vows. “Ruth” means compassion for the misery of another; empathetic, and “ruthless” means without ruth; not empathetic.

So, the question is: Do we have a Ruth in our life? Do we have someone who won’t let us have a pity party? In reality, we may want grievers with us but what we need is a Ruth -- someone who refuses to leave us when we’re down-and-out. We all experience moments of disappointment, great loss, grief, and despair. Our human nature wants to recoil, to withdraw, to turn so inward that we lose sight of the Light.

But, what we need are good friends who refuse to leave us. We need good friends who encourage us to just keep swimming, telling us that they will not abandon or forsake us. Remember Dory in the “Finding Nemo” movie? She kept saying to Nemo "just keep swimming", meaning "don't give up." We need good friends who love us like they love themselves. The Lord brings so much healing to our hearts through the Ruths in our lives.

Maybe today, you are a Naomi, and you need a Ruth. We pray that God brings a Ruth to you – but maybe your way of rebounding is to be a Ruth in someone’s life. You can either be ruthless (bad and not empathetic) or a Ruth (good and empathetic).

Friendship is supposed to be entering into a relationship not because of what we can get out of it but because of what it is. We are called to be examples of Christ’s love to the world. When we break free of the selfishness that poisons so many of our relationships and focus on giving our time, effort, and love to those around us, we portray a beautiful image of Christ’s own self-giving. No matter where we are in life or where we stand with our faith, we have the opportunity to bring others (and ourselves) closer to God by being a Ruth to someone today. Thank you to all the “Ruths” that have blessed me in my life so much!

Where Empathy Makes a Difference

Yesterday, Buddy and I started out on our usual walk when we came upon this adorable little girl, who, from a distance, I could hear shouting "Look, a puppy!" She was so excited to express her joy to Buddy, and he was for her, that we stopped for this sweet exchange.

We made it back home just in time for the family's morning training and devotion that pivots around the current events of the home: a praise or motivational moment, a discipline moment, or moments of exchanging creative ideas on a project or activity. Yesterday's was so stirring that tears began to flow when I started sharing. On point, Buddy came and laid his head in my lap. I get that not everyone believes that dogs have the ability to "empathize", but I sensed it. Many years ago, Staci's dog, a Cocker Spaniel named Desi, was with us during some times when it seemed I often shed bucket-loads of tears. Inevitably, Desi would crawl up in my lap to comfort me.

Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, like putting ourselves into the mental shoes of someone to understand and even share their emotions and feelings. Though our furry friends may give us a measure of comfort, there is truly something to be said for others who understand us because "they have walked in our shoes", but even more so, when those friends give us hope. Here's what I know from experience. I don't need someone to say "Bless your heart. I know how you feel -- I've been there." Those words say to me "Go ahead. Wallow in all that pain. Go ahead and take your time in getting over it." PLEASE....give us more than that! Please give us hope!

St. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 1:4 "That you may be comforted with the same comfort that I've been comforted with by our God of comfort ." Like Paul, in his many testings and trials, we are encouraged to come boldly to God's throne of grace, where His mercy and grace are free-flowing in our times of need. The Lord is able to give peace to our troubled souls and says "Let not your heart be troubled." Our sweetest comforts are in Him. He speaks peace to us and He binds us up when we are broken-hearted. He gives hope and joy during our times of greatest need.....so much so that not only are we comforted -- we have enough comfort left over to encourage and comfort others.

Our story and how we made it through those times is what they need. That brings me to three words we can use to help encourage others. Feel. Felt. Found. For example, it goes like this when I am epathizing with a new widow(er): "I know how you FEEL. I FELT the same way, too, when my husband passed away. But, let me tell you what I FOUND. I FOUND that God is so ever-present to us in times of sadness, loneliness, pain and heartache. I FOUND that He is my best friend that has stayed closer to me than my husband ever could. He is always with me. I'm never alone. He gives me peace when I stop thinking about what I don't have any longer, and I start thinking about God Who has given me so much: the breath in my body to live another day, the strength to continue to run my race because I'm still here to complete the assignments God gave me." Now, that's what I call true empathy -- true understanding of how it feels, but true love that gives them cause to live another day with hope and great expectation for this day and tomorrow. That's what I call being a "Difference Maker"!