Even in Messy, Whiny Days – God is Right Here

I’m here at my office desk typing this blog. My morning ritual is in progress. Wake up (thank God, I woke up), head to my office, look over my blog written yesterday with a fresh perspective, make necessary changes and publish on Facebook, Instagram, and my two blog sites. I look at my desk cluttered with papers, coupons, bills to pay, mail I haven’t opened and garage sale supplies (yes, I’m having a garage sale with my community this weekend – what a work-out that is). Please, God, don’t judge me on messiness or whininess today!

I have a lot on my plate today – some God things, but mostly Me things. I hear a voice in my head telling me what I do doesn’t really matter. It’s small stuff compared to others who are juggling way more than I am. And, not having all the responsibility that comes with raising a family, I still feel a bit overwhelmed today with “to-do’s”, meetings to determine if I should take that new ministry position, this garage sale, my volunteer job, and other commitments. But, does it all matter anyway?

It’s likely the opposing team, the enemy of my heart, that is causing this inner turmoil AND this whininess. He tries to make me feel insignificant and under-qualified. He plays a number on me. I recall a couple of days ago when my granddaughter had to let her brother use her car. She said: “I sure miss my car!” I replied “I sure miss Papa!” It put things in perspective for her and reality to me. I really do miss him when I could use his arm around my shoulder, snuggle me close into him, cheer me on and remind me “I’m here for you!”

A bad movie is playing in my mind: “You should throw in the towel and coast. You’ve earned the rest. You should sit back and let God use others. What you do doesn't really matter anyway. You should stop right now". Then into this space of doubt and anxiety, I hear God’s voice telling me I’m not alone in this “life” thing. He’s right here with me, always, still saying, “I will never leave you or forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). And this too: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you or forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6).

If we are showing up to serve our Maker, if we are seeking to follow Him, and there is someone or some-thing trying to push us away, then we can be sure it is not God. He is not saying we are disqualified. He’s not hollering “shape up or ship out.” His instruction isn’t, “Come back when you’ve got it together.” Instead His invitation is, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

As I take hold of this truth today, my shoulders relax, my breath slows. I settle into my comfy office chair that has become a place of simple, enlightening, beautiful grace. I start typing this blog again – perhaps the words are more for me than you. I push the POST button and trust that there is someone besides me who needs an encouraging word that helps them know, they are not alone either. That whatever happens in this day and whatever we say and do, we will still have God by our side and on our side at the end of the day, telling us "You are enough!"

One Hot Mess Because Life Can Be Messy

I have served on faith-based women's teams and was amused when I heard some of the young women, after a long day of being "mom” to their young family, exclaim “I’m a hot mess!” I’ll admit I didn't know what that meant but it did seem they were frazzled and welcomed being a part of a faith group where they could “chill” a while. I googled "hot mess"! It's a state of extreme disarray; disheveled or unbalanced person, particularly one who is nevertheless still attractive! Aw! So I wasn’t too far off when I saw them frazzled and beautiful!

I'm sure I could have said that about myself as a young mom. I dreamed of being the perfect mom and pastor's wife. I wanted my "two" to be exemplary model children for others. But, they were normal kids who could act up and out just like the others. It perplexed me and I went down to the altar for prayer to be THAT mom and wife who merited the gold-star-winning, woman of the year. An older, wiser woman knelt down beside me, wrapped her loving arms around me and said, “Sweet girl, let go of your need for perfection. God just wants you to “Come as you are” – just keep coming to Him. He will turn what seems to be a mess into a beautiful message for others." Oh, my! She had "read my mail" and my heart. I felt refreshed and assured that my kids and I were going to be okay – just as we were. Suddenly it seemed attainable to raise a couple of kids, keeping life in order, and everything running smoothly, happy and clean.

But, then I went home and life had its messy moments again. Some days, wife-ing and parenting is just a hot mess. It doesn’t always go as planned. We get tired. When we’ve finally figured out one stage, another begins. We look for someone, like my "church" friend to wrap their arms around us and tell us everything’s gonna’ be alright. “You’re doing a good job.”

We listen to accusing lies that we know are not from God, but play over and over in our minds, “a good mom would never do that, why can’t you get it together, why can’t you be more like…” We start believing it to be the truth. The days seem so long. The ones when you’ve had more than enough of being a chauffeur, or referee between the kids, or hearing “mom” every few seconds. And just when you hear a friend tell you she’s headed with her hubby to a remote island for a week….

You stop and take a deep breath. You look into the eyes of these treasures who call you Mom…who you love more than life itself…and you realize how very blessed you are. And you notice not only the days have gone by, but some years have too. And suddenly you long for it to slow down. The “Aha” moment happens and you realize that maybe you are doing it. Maybe you are living a dream that is the right one for you. And you breathe in God's grace…again. Because life was never meant to be perfect. Life was just meant to be lived. Hope arises. You let go of those high expectations of perfect bliss somewhere else.

You realize your "hot mess" isn't really hot at all. It is a place of sweet life words found in the mess of the toys on the floor and fingerprints on the wall. Words of grace, straight from the heart of a joy-filled 5-year-old soul who knows what it is to live and to love. Love God, love your family, love yourself. So simple and so true. “Wherever you go, God goes with you.” (Joshua 1:9) He is in our mess, in our imperfections, in our day to day, in the ordinary, in the times when no one else sees, or knows, or cares. He’s there. With us. Perfect doesn’t matter. It never did. And all the other stuff we stress and worry about, it doesn’t really matter either. But love, it matters. He whispers His words of life and love over you today: “Good job, Mom, I am with you. And, together…..we’re gonna rock this!