Love Means Saying "I'm Sorry"!

My word for today is: APOLOGIZE – to express regret for something one has done wrong; saying “sorry”, asking for forgiveness; asking for pardon

Today is the last day of February, the month I deemed early on as the LOVE month. What a better way to end it than with an appeal for us to live in self-awareness of our words and actions. The saying goes "Time heals all wounds”, but not all. Sometimes a stronger salve than time is needed to restore wholeness and full health to those we may have hurt, intentionally, and even those things that weren’t meant to hurt. Maybe it was just a curt remark or some smack talk that seemed playful at the time, but those little remarks can sting and be hurtful. At the time it seemed so innocent in our eyes, but by the look in their eyes, we know we hurt them. The question is “Do we let it go as playful fun, or are we quick to APOLOGIZE?”

One of my favorite all-time movies was "Love Story" (1970) with Ryan O'Neal (Oliver) and Ali McGraw (Jenny). Oliver blamed himself for keeping Jenny from her music career and when he was apologizing, Jenny's love for him was far greater to her. That's when she said that famous line. “Love means never having to say you're sorry". At that moment in the movie, I was moved to tears, but, in reality, “Jenny” got it all wrong.

Love doesn't mean “never having to say “I’m Sorry”, and it’s sure not a line that God EVER uses. APOLOGIZING and expressing regret for the mistakes we make is the language of love. God's love. In fact, Jesus APOLOGIZED for mankind when He cried out, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."

On this last day of this month of love, I'm driving home the importance of being a lover. The Apostle Paul told us how: "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). And, when we miss that mark, LOVE means ALWAYS saying "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me."

In our world of social and political hostilities with all of the rash comments, quick retorts back and forth to each other, this is the time when we, who live above that fray, should be setting the example of mending torn and broken hearts. When we say to our brothers and our sisters, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me," there is hope for healing, restoration, and reconciliation. May we let go of our need to always be right, cast aside our pride and say in words and actions, "I APOLOGIZE! Please forgive me." And, by the way, from our heart when we say "I'm so sorry, Father God, for the mistakes I've made and change my habits so I use my tongue to speak hope and favor upon others", we'll see the greatest example of love ever given when He opens His arms of love to us and says "I forgive you....now go and sin no more."

Forgiveness is Unlocking the Door to Freedom

Forgiveness is Unlocking the Door to Freedom
FORGIVENESS: to wipe the slate clean, to pardon, to cancel a debt. When we wrong someone, we seek his or her forgiveness for the relationship to be restored. Forgiveness isn't granted because a person deserves to be forgiven. Instead, it is an act of love, mercy, and grace. "Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free, and realizing you were the prisoner." Max Lucado

I’ll admit FORGIVING is a “tough nut to crack” when we’ve been so rejected, wronged, harmed, heartbroken and betrayed. But, then there is the upside down world of God’s Word which usually tells us to do the opposite of what seems right for us at the time. Colossians 3:13-14 “Bear with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” That scripture doesn’t say anything about the one apologizing and ASKING for forgiveness. It simply says “forgiving each other”. How is it possible when we may have been hurt so deeply?

I've read many incredible stories about people who forgave in the most heart-wrenching situations, especially when forgiving would seem so unnecessary on a human level. Most recently, we all grieved with the families who lost their loved one(s) in the Florida school shooting by a 19-year old man. I can’t imagine the deep sorrow of the parents' and the spouses' and families', but I do know our all-loving God is with them to comfort and strengthen them as they reach out to Him. I was so inspired when I read the story of 11th grade student at the school, Daniela Menescal, who survived the mass shooting. She told a news station “It’s a miracle that I’m alive.” She said she thought it was a drill until the moment bullet fragments slammed into her back and leg. Inside her locked classroom, she said she and other students hid behind a metal cabinet as gunfire sprayed the room. "I saw the blood and then the girl in front of me turned around and I saw her -- she was hit in her face." Two students in her class didn't survive. Despite what happened, Menescal said she still believes in FORGIVENESS. "In the back of his mind (the shooter), God is with him and I know that we all deserve a second chance, and that even for all that he caused, I forgive him," Menescal said.

Another 16-year-old Junior at the school, Shay Makonde, led a time of prayer. He said, “Those who are lost, we shall carry on their lives for them.” Then he went on to say that he cannot hate the shooter — he hopes he changes in prison. Instead, Shay says he wants to focus on the people he still has in his life, and on honoring his lost friends' lives. “Hatred”, he said, “only breeds more hatred and pain. I can’t afford to hate, or lack courage."

On October 2, 2006, Charles Carl Roberts walked into an Amish school in Pennsylvania and shot ten girls, killing five of them. On the same day of the shooting, a grandfather of one of the girls who had died, told other relatives, "We must not think evil of this man." Another member of the community visited the shooter's family that day to comfort them and offer forgiveness. Dozens more attended his funeral and offered to give financial support to his widow. One member of the community later said, "I don't think there's anybody here that wants to do anything but forgive and not only reach out to those who have suffered a loss, but to reach out to the family of the man who committed these acts."

The truth about forgiveness is that it is not a natural response and it isn’t for the person we’re forgiving. It’s for us. I heard it quoted: "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Unwillingness to forgive eats away at our hearts and souls, while forgiveness frees us. No greater forgiver was Jesus, Who, after the lies, beatings, denials and pain, said "Father, FORGIVE them for they know not what they do."

When we have been hurt, we face the same challenge that those who we've hurt faced. Will we respond with compassion, kindness, and FORGIVENESS? And, will forgiving become a way of life for us? "Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ." Ephesians 4:32. It sure seems like a tall order, but one that comes with sweet rewards. We can move on with our life, have freedom from the pain of the past, enjoy greater happiness in the present and better health and well-being. Love means saying "You're FORGIVEN!" We may not forget, but we are at least free from the burden of unforgiveness. It’s not that we dismiss the pain, but it does mean we recognize that even our greatest wounds and deepest pain will one day be transformed into beauty by our God who wastes nothing. “And FORGIVE us our trespasses as we FORGIVE those who trespassed against us.” From “The Lord’s Prayer” in Matthew 6:12.