The Keys to a Happy, Lifelong Marriage

It’s not often that I would post someone else’s words verbatim, but when I heard these (on audiobook), I knew I had to share them with those I love most. They opened my eyes to my own marriage, the struggles we had early on, the ups and downs we encountered and though our journey became sweeter as the years went by, we would have surely saved ourselves so much angst and been on a faster track by following, applying and living by these beautiful keys. If you’re still blessed to be married, I encourage you to print these out and start living by them – especially when it comes to the bumps in the road along the way. You know – when you’re sleeping on the edge of your bed so you don’t touch your loved one or when you’re giving each other the silent treatment…..again or when the “D” word comes up in your conversation or when you or your loved one’s words become less than praiseworthy. These keys are from Karen Kingsbury’s book, “When We Were Young”. The book is so real, raw and relevant to our day and times. I transcribed them to share with you. Here are “The Keys to a Happy Marriage”:

1) Keep God first. By loving God more than your spouse, you will always be humble enough to love your spouse more than humanly possible. This makes for a beautiful marriage. Matthew 6:33 -- “But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.”

2) Divorce is not an option. From the beginning, remove the word “divorce” from your vocabulary. People do not look for a door where one does not exist. Mark 10:9 -- “Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.”

3) Marriage is not 50/50. There will be days when one of you falls short. Make it your goal to give 100% every day. That way, you’re both covered. Everyday forever. Colossians 3:23 -- “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord.”

4) Know your spouse’s love language. People speak love in different ways: gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, intentional time. Figure out how to speak to each other so that the love between you will grow. Romans 12:9 -- “Love must be sincere.”

5) Expect the best of each other. Forgive easily. Attitude is everything in marriage. Look for ways to humbly be kind to your spouse. Keep short accounts. Don’t worry about being right. Ephesians 4:2 -- “Be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Colossians 3:13 -- “Bear with each other and forgive one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

6) Keep dating. Your marriage must be a priority. Seek God first, then your spouse. Never stop dating and pursuing each other. Value and celebrate your love. Song of Solomon 3:2 -- “I must seek the one my soul loves.”

7) Build each other up. Kind words are free. Look for ways to encourage each other. Every day. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 -- “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”

8) Laugh often. Find reasons to be silly. Smile and be lighthearted. You’ll laugh about it later so make up your mind to laugh about it today. Proverbs 17:22 -- “A cheerful heart is good medicine.”

9) Live within your means. Couples who get in debt, stay stressed. Living within your means can be great fun. Take walks. Play board games. Visit your park. Clip coupons. Hebrews 13:5 -- “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have.”

10) Fix yourself. Not your spouse. Work to be kinder and gentler. Be the person your spouse married. Listen well. Be intentional. Matthew 7:3 “ -- Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in
your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

And my own final words for thought and application to you: Live like there is no tomorrow. Live with no regrets. Be writing your love story every day so that when you or your loved one steps over to heaven’s side and awaits you there, you’ll carry with you so many precious memories of undying passion and love
right on into eternity. I did and I do.

Trusting God When It Just Doesn't Make Sense

I sincerely ask God to give me the words I should provide in my daily posts, and today, I was compelled to share these words. Maybe your heart is breaking because of a recent tragedy and you don’t know if you’ll survive the pain and heartbreak. I know some of you who are there right now. You are on my mind.

I heard a speaker share about when his dad was so ill, and in so much pain, that he really thought his dad would take his own life. He called his friend, a Christian psychologist, for advice. His friend said, "We pray that he won’t, but you may be right. He just might. And, it would be heart wrenching and painful for you. But, you will be okay, because you will still trust in God's sovereignty. You will bounce back because you will hold to your faith in God and you will live on with hope and determination. I know you. I know the storms you’ve come through. You will survive.”

That is so true for those of us who have met with a personal crisis, have experienced the loss of a loved one, who knows the tragedy of financial loss, who knows the pain caused from a divorce or broken relationship.....and we carried on. We made it through those times or, we are making it through those times right now. The speaker went on to say that his dad lived beyond that time and, in fact, his last days were filled with sweet times with his family and friends and trusting in God.

Yesterday, after our faith community had prayed months together for a dear 26-year old man who was battling cancer, I received the request for prayer for his beautiful wife (just married in June) and his parents, as his battle with cancer was over. As heart-breaking as that story is, without a doubt, I know there will be loved ones and friends who are already stepping up to give them support and comfort in these very tough times. There will be a healing process and they’ll be desperately looking for answers. But, with God’s abiding faith and love, they will make it. I know it because I know so many tragic events and I know those families survived and are thriving today.

When tragedy comes, we have an Anchor, and if we hold onto that Anchor, we will not go under. Yes, it hurts. But we will be okay because we still trust in our loving Father’s plans and purposes for our lives. We will bounce back because we will hold on to our faith in God and live on with hope and determination. Yes, we will carry on -- that is, those of us who know that this life is just a breath, compared to eternity. We will live another day and rejoice in our ability to stand strong in the face of overwhelming circumstances -- not in our own strength, but in His strength. "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Jesus said, “Never will I leave you or forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5) One of the most beautiful promises in the Bible is that God “causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him…” (Romans 8:28). On this side of eternity, we don’t always see how He takes the broken pieces and creates something beautiful with them, but we can have peace in knowing that He will redeem the tragedy somehow in His perfect timing. Perhaps some of the good He will bring is to use the pain to bring us closer to Him or bring us into a relationship with Him for the very first time. And at the end of each day, we will still proclaim: "God is good. All the time. And, all the time, God is good!"