The Keys to a Happy, Lifelong Marriage

It’s not often that I would post someone else’s words verbatim, but when I heard these (on audiobook), I knew I had to share them with those I love most. They opened my eyes to my own marriage, the struggles we had early on, the ups and downs we encountered and though our journey became sweeter as the years went by, we would have surely saved ourselves so much angst and been on a faster track by following, applying and living by these beautiful keys. If you’re still blessed to be married, I encourage you to print these out and start living by them – especially when it comes to the bumps in the road along the way. You know – when you’re sleeping on the edge of your bed so you don’t touch your loved one or when you’re giving each other the silent treatment…..again or when the “D” word comes up in your conversation or when you or your loved one’s words become less than praiseworthy. These keys are from Karen Kingsbury’s book, “When We Were Young”. The book is so real, raw and relevant to our day and times. I transcribed them to share with you. Here are “The Keys to a Happy Marriage”:

1) Keep God first. By loving God more than your spouse, you will always be humble enough to love your spouse more than humanly possible. This makes for a beautiful marriage. Matthew 6:33 -- “But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.”

2) Divorce is not an option. From the beginning, remove the word “divorce” from your vocabulary. People do not look for a door where one does not exist. Mark 10:9 -- “Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.”

3) Marriage is not 50/50. There will be days when one of you falls short. Make it your goal to give 100% every day. That way, you’re both covered. Everyday forever. Colossians 3:23 -- “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord.”

4) Know your spouse’s love language. People speak love in different ways: gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, intentional time. Figure out how to speak to each other so that the love between you will grow. Romans 12:9 -- “Love must be sincere.”

5) Expect the best of each other. Forgive easily. Attitude is everything in marriage. Look for ways to humbly be kind to your spouse. Keep short accounts. Don’t worry about being right. Ephesians 4:2 -- “Be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Colossians 3:13 -- “Bear with each other and forgive one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

6) Keep dating. Your marriage must be a priority. Seek God first, then your spouse. Never stop dating and pursuing each other. Value and celebrate your love. Song of Solomon 3:2 -- “I must seek the one my soul loves.”

7) Build each other up. Kind words are free. Look for ways to encourage each other. Every day. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 -- “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”

8) Laugh often. Find reasons to be silly. Smile and be lighthearted. You’ll laugh about it later so make up your mind to laugh about it today. Proverbs 17:22 -- “A cheerful heart is good medicine.”

9) Live within your means. Couples who get in debt, stay stressed. Living within your means can be great fun. Take walks. Play board games. Visit your park. Clip coupons. Hebrews 13:5 -- “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have.”

10) Fix yourself. Not your spouse. Work to be kinder and gentler. Be the person your spouse married. Listen well. Be intentional. Matthew 7:3 “ -- Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in
your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

And my own final words for thought and application to you: Live like there is no tomorrow. Live with no regrets. Be writing your love story every day so that when you or your loved one steps over to heaven’s side and awaits you there, you’ll carry with you so many precious memories of undying passion and love
right on into eternity. I did and I do.

Oops! I Did It Again!

The older I am getting, the more I have to watch what I say. Words will literally pop out of my mouth like a Jack-in-the-Box when I least expect it. I wonder “Where did that come from?” That whole “think before you speak” quote seems to often be null and void in my life. It’s too late to retract them. I said them. They are out there now and perhaps causing someone to think less of themselves AND me. Lord, please put a gate with a lock over my mouth and only open it when You know my words will be sweet and uplifting. Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.”

I wonder. Is it because I pay too much attention to social media where the swords have come out and we wonder if they’ll ever be put back in their sheath. By this I mean the cutting statements in Facebook rants, the attack-dog tweets, the opinions launched like grenades at the other side. It’s tempting to run from it all and hide. Or to enter the battle with even bigger bombs. Go nuclear!

But I want neither. I want my “Good Ship Lollipop” days back again. My peers will remember the adorable Shirley Temple singing those lyrics: "On the Good Ship Lollipop. It's a sweet trip to a candy shop. Where bon-bons play. On the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay." Oh I know that’s “Fantasy Island” (oh me, I’m being held captive in my memories library!)

But, the reality is we tend to soak up the world’s way-of-thinking like a sponge, and, little-by-little, if we let it, we start taking on the characteristics of those we really do abhor (not the people, for goodness sake, we are people-lovers or so we say when we declare: “We love the Lord with all our hearts and we love our neighbors as we love ourselves).

We see the problems — the issues and the differing opinions, the my-way and their-way, the divides between us. And we think what will make it all better is to fix it all and fix them all. So we focus on the politics, the rancor, the public opinions, Hollywood, the other side of the aisle speakers, and then we slam the door on our way out. We type in all caps and put exclamation points at the end. But, then I hear Jesus still saying: “Love one another” (John 13:34). What if we “fixed” all the problems and looked behind us and saw a war zone scattered with the wounded and the dying? What if I fight so hard and I win, but I am the only one to survive? Is that really a victory?

When we unsheathe our swords, may we use them to fight the real enemy (which is not each other or any human). We really are on the same side. We are part of the same family. Yes, we will and sometimes must disagree. But may we be the ones who stand out. May we “be completely humble and gentle; patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2)

The enemy of our souls is after mass casualties in the Kingdom of God. He wants us to turn on each other and do his work for him. For goodness sake -- let’s not allow this to happen.

I started this blog by admitting my own desire to watch my words. The truth of the matter is our words are not dull butter knives or plastic light sabers swung in the backyard. They are real weapons. We can use them to wound. Or we can fight the darkness together. I choose the latter. I want my words to be so powerful that the enemy and his helpers run in terror when my mouth gate is unlocked and I speak words of life. You, too?