An Icebreaker Became a Memory Maker

Our interdenominational fellowship group came together in my community on Tuesday night for another pot luck meal and time of fellowship. There is always an entertaining or thought-provoking time after dinner. This week we had five icebreaker questions to discuss at our table. I sat by my cousins and there were two other couples at our table. Naturally, for the couples, they answered the questions with each other in mind. For example, question one was “If stranded on an island, what 3 things (or people) would you want to have with you and why?” Each one of the couples gave as one of their three as each other. Widow Donna came up with a hatchet, water, and a ladder (I need help climbing a tree!). I’ve watched “Survivor” episodes so I know what I'd need on a deserted island.

The one question that gave me pause and introspection was “If you could live one year from your life again, which one would you go back to?” The couples’ answers were beautiful: “Going back to the first church that we pastored in Fayetteville, AR that began in our home and grew exponentially.” Another couple talked about the year that their first child was born, and the other talked about the year when he returned from Vietnam to come home to his wife and baby. Then it was my turn. I had plenty of time to consider it and, without a doubt, it would be the last year of my husband’s life that I would want a do-over.

You see, my sweetheart was a muscle-bound, picture of health and strength, full of the joy of living and sharing God’s love in ministry and counseling. We had traveled a lot and had the thrill of precious times with our children and grandchildren. Life was good. Then, came the day when we received the diagnosis of Stage 4 Kidney Cancer that changed everything. Life came to an all-consuming 24/7 endeavor to get him healed. If it had been God’s will, he would still be around today because with all the treatments, surgeries, interventions, and most of all, the prayers from around the world, it was his time.

This is what I shared with our group. I would have stopped being Martha – doing, doing, doing and I would have stopped to embrace every second that I had with my Love. I would have spent every waking moment laughing about our puppy love romance at ages 12 & 13 and some of the crazy things we did together. I would have talked more about all that God had blessed us with in the past than continuing to figure out that awful disease. We both knew he was in God’s hands and it would have been so much better to have trusted implicitly for the outcome than all the going here and there and everywhere. I would have sat with him patiently at the dinner table and just talked and talked instead of hurrying to get the dishes cleaned up so quickly. I would have thanked God for the ups and downs that we survived and even thrived through. Actually, I’ve added a little more than what I actually said in that group, but what I did say to them, as couples, to live each day as if this were the last with each other. Love each other deeply.

Since we can't do do-overs -- the best way to live life on this side of heaven is to take each day -- one day at a time -- and live it as though it were our last -- living with no regrets -- embracing and loving those around us with intensity, gratitude and gusto. Living in the light of eternity -- helping take as many others with us to heaven. My Love is waiting for me there. I look forward to introducing you to him one day!

What If This Were Our Last Day or Year?

I have the fondest memories of the last Christmas we had with my husband. Our entire family was snowed in at our home in Tulsa and it made for some of the sweetest times – laughter, frolicking in the snow, and tender times of intimacy in sharing God’s love with each other. Little did we know it would be his last year to celebrate Christmas with us.

Now, I think a lot about “last time” possibilities. I want to be sure my “house” is in order. I’ll admit that I’ll often leave on a trip and I think “Oh, I need to clean those drawers and closets out! I don’t want my family to have to deal with them if I don’t make it back home!” I’ve already got on my “to do” list, sooner than later, to get my will, important documents, bank, investments and other info up-to-date because I want my children to find everything they’ll need if I should “go home” any time soon. On one hand, it sounds silly because I’ve still got a lot of “tread on these tires”, but on the other hand, today could be my last day on this earth. 💥Breaking News Flash💥 It could also be the same for you!

Whew! We've made it through another year. And, while I reminisce with gratitude about my accomplishments and successes, I wonder what could I have done better? What did I do that made a difference in this world this year? Who could I have influenced in a positive way? I’m already thinking with an eternal perspective in mind when it comes to 2019. I’m thinking about how I can influence others. I wonder if, when I see others in my life, it turned out to be the last encounter I might have with them. What is the lasting impression I would want to leave? How would I want him or her to remember me?

Several scenarios come to mind. If I walked out the door of my children's homes and didn't return, what would I want my family to remember as my last words and gestures? If I ran into someone at work or school or church and then never saw that person again, what kind of memory would I want them to retain? In each last encounter, what would I want to be sure to say to my family and friends or even someone I might meet on the street?

None of us knows how much time is allotted to us. These questions have continued to roll around in my spirit. They are a constant reminder that we have to make the most of each moment God gives us to fulfill the two commandments Jesus said were most important: "loving God and loving people". Nothing else matters. In fact, Paul says it makes no difference what we give; if we don't have love, "it profits us nothing" (1 Corinthians 13:3).

If our motives aren’t loving, may we pray for a change of heart. If they are loving, may we take time to tell the person so. Being sure our “last words” with someone are words of healing and true love. That is bound to mean more to him or her than what's inside any gift we might give them. And it's the only thing either one of us can take with us into eternity.