Remembering Yesterday and Yester-Years

It’s early Sunday Morning, Father’s Day, and I’m taking in the sound of the melodious rainfall. I look out my back window and my eyes go right to that yellow rose bush being watered from heaven. Don’t tell me otherwise! Sure, I know there’s scientific reasons for rains, but on this day, Father’s Day, I’m imagining my “love” reminding me he remembers – and so do I.

That little yellow rose bush has fully bloomed twice this season already, and here it goes again. Of course, it reminds me of the man of my dreams and my reality – my sweet husband and the father of my two children, the grandfather of my seven grandchildren. Oh, how blessed we were to have known and loved this man. Our wedding included yellow roses, every home we ever lived in (even the two homes since his passing on) has had a yellow rose bush planted there. When my babies were born, yellow roses were at my bedside. So, of course, the rain and the yellow roses compounded my awareness that he isn’t here, but, oh, yes, he is. He lives so big in our hearts.

Just a memory to spark so much gratitude for those little things in my life, that on a day like this, I can rejoice and be glad and not sad. Oh, how I would love for him to still be here with me enjoying our family together. He’s not – but I am. I’m not done imparting the best of me, the best of us, to these I love.

My crew in Austin sent me photos of their fun times and this crew in Frisco, celebrated with huevos rancheros for breakfast, online church, Hutchins Barbeque for lunch, piano serenades from Payton, and great fun playing the fishing game that Papa gave Payton 13 years ago. What a day! Yes, we would have rather been real fishing, but since we couldn’t, the game brought back some of the best memories.

I’ve loved the photos many of you, my social media friends, posted of their dads and husbands – those who passed on, those still alive and well, and even those who have a baby “still cookin' in the oven”. I know your journey and my journey may be completely different, but if we'll all practice gratitude and watch for all the sweet kisses from heaven like I did when I heard the rain and saw those yellow roses, you, too, will see the beauty all around you. You'll laugh with children, you'll start being a light to others, and you might even dance in the rain. It's been raining a lot lately, so why not put on those dancing shoes -- and DANCE?
“You have turned my mourning into dancing; you took off my sackcloth and clothed me with a garment of joy.” Psalm 30:11

Welcome Home, Love!

After two weeks away, I was back home to T-Town, and saw that my yellow rose bush was blooming. I know it's Spring, but, in my own little world, I like to think that it being in bloom was a special gift from my Sweetheart in heaven. Yellow roses were a big deal for us during our 44-years of marriage. Our wedding flowers were yellow roses, I was his "Yellow Rose of Texas", we planted a yellow rose bush in every home we ever lived in, and when I would return home from any trip I was away from him, he always had a yellow rose waiting for me with a sweet note "Welcome Home, Love!". Those precious traditions still keep me cherishing the memories we made.

Maybe there are new (or even seasoned) widows or widowers reading this and wondering if life will ever get easier for you. My answer is "yes, no, yes, no, YES!" In the beginning it feels like a roller coaster ride -- going up, up, up with laughter and thanksgiving for the sweet memories, and sometimes down, down, down when you hear "your" song or smell his favorite cologne on someone, or experience Valentines, birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgivings, Christmases -- without him or her. Other times, when you're embracing family, friends, sweet times and making new memories -- there's the tendency to almost feel guilty for feeling so happy.

After almost 5-1/2 years since my Sweetheart graduated to heaven, I can assure you that, if you'll embrace the journey that you are still on and know, without a shadow of a doubt that you are still on assignment, you will experience JOY again. Happiness equates to external things like your favorite TV program NOT getting interrupted when the storm comes through town or when your doctor gives you a 2-thumbs up because your medical tests were negative or when you get a bonus check in the mail. But JOY is that internal place of joy and peace that comes to stay, regardless of external circumstances, because God and His joy and peace live inside you. I promise you, joy will come to you when you accept it as a gift like nothing ever given to you before.

I know your journey and my journey may be completely different, but if you'll practice gratitude and watch for all the sweet kisses from heaven like I did yesterday when I saw those yellow roses, you, too, will see beauty in the flowers and the blooming trees, you'll laugh with children, you'll start being a light to others and you might even dance in the rain. It's been raining a lot lately, so why not put on those dancing shoes -- and DANCE?

Psalm 30:11-12 "You have turned my mourning into dancing. You took off my sackcloth and clothed me with a garment of joy, so that I may sing praise to You, and not remain silent. Lord, my God, I will give You thanks forever."