I Wish You Knew

This day, eight years ago, began with the routine we had become accustomed to after eleven months of doctors' appointments, six surgeries, many treatments, infusions, pain management and a host of other daily activities. Each day was a new day with hope and great expectations for conquering the events of the day, without being conquered by those events. I wish you knew how our life changed from “normal” to a “new normal” that was anything but normal. We never knew what to expect – perhaps yet another trip to the emergency room to help manage the pain, the fever, or the discomfort. Whatever each day held, it seemed we were enveloped in a blanket of God’s peace. Aw, God’s sweet, wonderful peace. I wish you knew that peace.

I wish you knew how one can weather a storm unscathed because of God’s peace that passes understanding. I wish you knew how it felt to see others living their lives as “routine” and same-o, same-o while I was thrilled to have one more day to trust God that we would make it through another day.

I wish you knew how it felt to live each day with expecting a miracle – that even on this day, I didn’t think anything except that my sweetheart didn’t want much to eat on this day – that he would rather sleep more which I deemed was because of the medication to reduce the pain in his broken body. I wish you knew the great peace it brought that we had a loving God Who we knew was giving us such peace.

I wish you knew how it felt to recognize that this day would be my last day with him as I watched his blood pressure get erratic. I knew it was time to tell him, “Sweet man, it’s okay to go home. I’ll be okay. I love you so much. I'll see you later. Go ahead and “Push, Baby, push!” I wish you knew what it feels like to be your loved one’s Mid-Wife and help him push through to heaven.

I wish you knew how absolutely at peace you can be and know how it feels to be vastly in control when everything around you is out-of-control and out-of-your-ability to do anything to alter God’s will being done on earth as it was in heaven. I wish you knew how resilient we can be in the most storm-tossed seas of life.

I wish you knew how it feels to have spent 49 years of loving your childhood “crush” to him becoming your life-long lover, best friend, sweetheart, and darling husband. I wish you knew how much I still love talking about him, even on this day. Even after all these years later, it makes me smile to hear you tell stories and remind me how he impacted your life. Saying his name is one of the most comforting things you can do for me and my family.

I wish you knew how it feels to be in a room full of couples who love and respect you but you feel like the 3rd or 5th wheel all alone without your person, but putting aside those feelings to living with gusto because of the Big Wheel Who keeps you confident, living with destiny and purpose.

I wish you knew I was not always as strong and inspiring and brave as it looked – that sometimes I was simply a determined survivor. Telling me how strong and confident I was all the time simply made me feel like I had to look and be a certain way to continue being "an inspiration." And, you know what? I did become strong with the desires to be inspiring and brave and not just being a survivor, but a thriver.

I wish you knew that people aren't replaceable and new chapters don't mean we've forgotten or stopped loving them. What's new is new, and it's amazing and beautiful and provides new stories and life, but has nothing to do with the memories that will stay with you forever and the memories that made you live a worthwhile life of making a difference in other people’s lives.

I wish you knew the difference of being a weeping, whiny, and wailing widow to a confident, peace-filled widow who doesn’t forget the past but realizes all the times of the past that made her the capable, faith and peace filled woman she is today. I wish you knew not to waste your life because time is so very short.

I wish you knew how grateful I am for those of you who lifted us up in prayer, who still lift me up in prayer, who do life with me and encourage me with your words of cheer.

I wish you knew that life is worth living until we get to experience real life forever on the other side where we’ll meet up with our loved ones who are cheering us on from heaven’s grandstands.

I wish you knew this peace I know. It's yours for the taking: Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on You because they trust in You."

I wish you knew.......

Safe in the Eye of the Storm

Yesterday, I posted about BEING the eye of the storm and today I'm taking it a notch up. Oftentimes, no matter the peace and calm we represent or the peace and calm we are in, still unexpected stuff happens which really reveals whether we're just talking the talk, or actually walking the walk! Eleanor Roosevelt quoted these words to a friend: “A woman (my add: or man) is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.”

Yesterday, Friday, July 28, 2017, 11:45 am -- I was on a mission to return a swim suit to Dillard's that I didn't use on my Mexico trip. When I exited the busy, under-construction Dallas Tollway, a car was coming fast toward me on the side road so I had to slow to a stop to let her go on by. That's when the car behind me collided into the rear end of my car. We moved to a parking lot nearby and the young man who hit me was yelling all kinds of expletives and was pacing in a rage. My car had minor damage, but his was not drivable. He had just purchased the car 3 weeks earlier. I was calm and thankful the airbag in my car didn't deploy, and that neither of us were hurt.

I called Larry and he and Staci insisted on coming to me for moral support. Before long, the young man's best friend and former employee of the Law Department of Geico Car Insurance showed up and calmed the storm in his buddy and was equally reassuring to me that his buddy was a great guy (best friends since age 6), from a great family and still lives with his parents. My heart went out to the young man -- just 3 weeks in his beautiful new car and now having to deal with this inconvenience.

Here's what came about. Insurance information was exchanged, police showed up and wrote up the report and issued the young man a citation for going so fast he couldn't stop behind me. Staci, in her usual fashion, showed the young man the hail damage on his car and said "Be sure to wrap that hail damage into the repairs" -- "All things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28) -- if he didn't love God before, maybe this accident represents the turning point for him. Both Larry and Staci, and myself, represented compassion and care for the young man. No one was hurt. No doubt the young man will be a wiser and better driver hereafter. The friend of the driver kept saying "Thank you for being so thoughtful. I've seen so many upset drivers in situations like this and you are being so kind to him." I told him "Stuff happens and the way we handle 'stuff' is what shows up at times like this." When we departed, I hugged both young men and expressed my best wishes to both.

Who knew that when I posted yesterday about being "the EYE of the storm" in situations, that the same day I'd be putting to practice what I had preached. The fact is just a couple of months ago, I was in that young man's shoes, when I ran into the back of a car. Yes, accidents happen. That's why they're called "accidents". That same peace enveloped me then, too.

The calmness that lives in me isn't conjured up just for hard times. It's there 24/7. When we abide in THE ONE, Who is our peace at ALL TIMES, no matter what we encounter, we can rest assured our tea bags will ooze out God's love and God's peace in the midst of the storm. I wish you that PEACE today. I give you Jesus today -- because "He's the peace that passes all understanding." Philippians 4:7

Little Things Become Big When We Look Closer

Day 108 of Photo Inspirations --  Little Things Become Big When We Look Closer
I took this photo this morning from the top deck of our ship.  That looks like a miniature ship sailing along side us -- be in reality, it's huge.  Often the little things can become BIG things.  I'm in that season of life where I've lived and learned.  That's why at this mature age, I do my best to pass along some insights that I've learned from mistakes, but even only I had taken to heart what I had learned, I would never have made the mistakes in the first place.

This scripture from Philippians 4:8 spoke to me this morning.  "Whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of a good report, if there is any virtue and if there be any praise, THINK on THESE THINGS!!!"

I know that I must sound like I live on the "Good Ship Lollipop", and so it may be true.  It's because I've found the sweetest, purest thoughts and attitudes are what bring me most peace.  I avoid confrontation and situations that would like to take me to another place.  I remember when our kids were just "PG-13" ages and we took them to see "Jaws".  Ugh!  We love the ocean, so why in the world would we take our family to see a movie about sharks that would create fear and concern when we went to the ocean?  We lived and learned.

There are people in my world that have the tendency to speak negatively and even use profanity in their conversations.  I don't want to be rude, so I tolerate it when I can.  But, when I have a choice, I choose to walk out.  For example, yesterday, I went to see a movie that was an award winner and thought I'd check out the artistic creativity of the producer and find out why it received so much applause.  At the onset of the movie -- in the first two sentences, there was such profanity, that I excused myself and walked out.  And when I did.....I went back to my happy place in my mind and spirit.

I don't EVER want my heart to become so hardened that what once was inappropriate and intolerable to become acceptable.  My measuring stick is God's Word.....so this "Whatever things are lovely" scripture.....pretty well states my case.....and my position on "The Good Ship Lollipop"!  It's a sweet place of peace that passes understanding!