Hard Decisions Don't Come With a Flip of a Coin

We sat in a parking lot, staring blankly ahead with the doctor’s words still ringing in our ears. “Immediately, go for a CT scan so we can see how far the cancer has spread. This is a life or death situation.”

We were stunned despite the signs and the pain my husband had been in for months. But this man who I loved with all my being, was obstinate about the news. “I will not be afraid, and I will not succumb to doctors’ reports. I will place my trust in God, and I will not waver. No one, except God, is going to tell me what to do. And I need to talk with Him first.” We weren’t in agreement. I wanted us to at least get the tests and medical reports asap, so we knew what to be believing for, but he wasn’t about to be pushed around. I was in tears. His heels dug deep into the car's floorboard. I asked if I could call our daughter for prayer. He agreed. Her tender, loving voice said: “Let’s pray.” She prayed a prayer of absolute certainty that God was in control and we didn’t have to fear or dread. “Daddy, no one is making you have this surgery, but doesn’t it make sense to at least get the tests to see where everything is at?” Daddy’s girl got to Daddy’s heart AND stubbornness. And so, the pain in his back that he tolerated for months, set us on a course for a journey of faith like we never imagined.

We found ourselves facing a critical juncture in our faith. The tests, the results and the doctors’ absolute insistence on the emergency surgery to remove the tumor that consumed his #10 vertebrae or face being paralyzed, created a dilemma. We could do nothing, stand strong and believe that God had a long life of health and wellness ahead and live in a state of anxious denial (a place he’d been living for too long already). Or, we submit to the medical professionals’ recommendations and work toward finding acceptance, faith and peace in God’s guidance – step by step daily. After united prayer with our family – the latter was chosen. Surgery would take place in a couple of days. The hard choices of life don’t usually come with a flip of a coin. Sometimes it takes a village to help us decide.

And, sometimes peace is a choice that doesn’t always come naturally for us. My husband was that guy that liked to be in control of, well, everything. Mr. Type-A personality wanted to know exactly how the day would go and then manipulate his surroundings to fit what feels safe, secure, and right to him. That worked well for him for years, but life didn’t comply with his version of how things should be. He had to release his grip on control which was more difficult for him than the cancer.

Why am I deliberating on what happened almost ten years ago? Because, I sense that there are many who are, by nature – control freaks – like my husband was – and you are having to release control in your lives – particularly since Covid sprung itself on our world. Once we settled into the rhythm of peace, trust, and hope, the next few months, though often grueling, were also times of comfort and witnessing God’s amazing grace -- time and time again. God’s Word filled in the weak places with scriptures like Isaiah 54:10, “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor My covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, Who has compassion on you.”

In the months that followed, we found ourselves navigating into the unknown, and sometimes didn’t really feel the peace, but we knew it was there for the taking, like that scripture says. So, we made a choice to believe it, whether we felt it or not. And, here I am these ten years later, and I daily choose to believe that the peace that surpasses all understanding still covers my life even when it’s chaotic and stress-filled.

I believe that is what Horatio Spafford had in mind when he penned the words “It is well with my soul” after losing his son, his business, and then his four daughters (who drowned in a shipwreck). It is well -- doesn’t mean declaring that we are unaffected in the face of hardship. It is simply choosing to believe that love, peace, and hope are true. That they are promises we can believe no matter what comes our way. So, though my heart hurt when I was my husband’s midwife after months of doing all we could do and praying all we could pray to get him well, I chose peace and hope knowing that God would redeem my pain. And He has. He will for you, too.

A Mighty Fortress is Our God

I received this little bookmark (added to this photo) in the mail. I sensed God was saying those words to us: “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my FORTRESS, my God, in Him I trust.” Psalm 91:1-2. Often, our physical AND spiritual eyes just can't see it.

I am certain that the key to our peace of mind and joy of spirit is making sure we’re staying in God’s refuge and fortress. I turned the bookmark over and it read: “God is My Refuge – In difficult times, you won’t understand everything God is doing. Trust He is in control, and stay close to Him in prayer and praise. He will carry you through.”

Need I say more? No, I don’t, but I’m sure you know I can’t help myself. I’ve got to put the jelly on the peanut butter! If ever we needed places of refuge, it is in these times. I just heard that a pastor and his wife of a mega-church in Frisco has the Covid. My prayers go out to them for divine healing and restoration. I know God will carry them through. This Covid is no respecter of persons. But, no matter what -- we go to our fortress.

My friend posted this photo of her two grandsons, who, for the first time ever in their lives, have their own bedrooms in the beautiful and comfortable home she has for them now. That is a miracle story I’ll save for another day. What blessed me so much was they didn’t stay in their individual bedrooms that first night. They have a fort – a fortress to sleep together under Josiah's bed. It was a “comfort” place. They’ve been together so long – of course, they couldn’t separate just yet.

And, isn’t that what we need – a place of absolute certainty that everything’s gonna’ be alright in that place of safety and refuge. I remember Robert Schuller’s book entitled “Tough times don’t last – but tough people do!” I've known some tough people that weathered some of the greatest storms of life and they did so because of their Anchor, their Rock, their Refuge Who was their Mighty Fortress.

Maybe you're feeling a little shaky today -- in your faith and in your emotions that are getting the best of you, and in truly believing that you will survive these storms that have prevailed for months now. In spite of the worst possible scenarios, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble”. Through it all – the torrential downpours to the most solid and stable, our God remains steadfast and faithful. There is no earthquake, tornado or hurricane, whether natural, moral, physical, financial, or spiritual, that can shake us out of his loving arms!

Hope Springs Eternal

Yesterday, the co-leaders of what was to have been our 2020 Women’s ACTS 4-day Retreat in April, met to catch-up. Obviously, our retreat didn’t happen, but we’re counting on a coast-is-clear later this year. We’re all still together in heart and spirit. Yes, I was disappointed about the six months of preparing for the retreat that didn’t happen, and I’ll admit I even shed a few tears. Amy’s son didn’t get to finish his last season of high school baseball and his graduation certainly didn’t look like the final year of high school as they had expected. Deb’s precious father passed away during this time after many trips back and forth to Houston to see him, but couldn’t because of the hospital’s COVID regulations. The funeral was on Facebook Live so we could ALL see the beauty of this Godly man who served with his whole being. Since we couldn’t go to Houston to celebrate his life with the family, we had this lovely stone made for her – perfect timing for Father’s Day.

Michelle brought us the other half of the wooden hearts that she gave us early on in quarantine, promising the other half when we’d see each other again. She didn’t disappoint. And, she made us laugh as she told us about the possums that made their home under their deck, who by the way can sure scream when her dogs got near. Here’s the aha about all these things that happened to us All these circumstances, that we’d like to blame on COVID-19, might have all happened anyway.

In the grand scheme of God’s ways, He is well aware of all our disappointments. I reminded us: “Thank God, for the hope we have in Him Who isn’t shaken by what is shaking us.” As I type this blog today, I think “Hope springs eternal!” I had to look that quote up to see where it came from. It turns out Alexander Pope, an 18th century English poet, wrote those wise words in "An Essay on Man".

But, does hope really spring eternal? Why do people continue to hope, even if there is no evidence indicating the outcome we desire will come to pass? May I say, unequivocally, that hope doesn’t just spring eternal, it finds its roots in an eternal place.
King Solomon wrote that God “has put eternity into man’s heart." (Ecclesiastes 3:11) That is why we cling to hope through tough times. Those who believe in God – just know. We know that God has something better in store for us. It’s that hope and trust that something good is going to happen.

We should never doubt that God is working many, many things out in our lives. Because hope springs eternal. Sometimes hope is hard to come by. Notice how the psalmist reminds himself to remember the good things God has done and to put his hope in God. We can do that, too! "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.” (Psalm 42:1-8) God doesn’t tell us everything about our future, nor do we understand the bliss we will experience in heaven; instead, our blessing for now is to have hope, including the hope of heaven that springs eternal.

The Divine Tag-a-Long Changed Their Lives

As I was walking yesterday, basking in the freshness of the early morning, I said, “Open my eyes to see you, Lord.” I knew I was already seeing Him in the beauty of His creation, but I sensed a true desire to open my eyes to His presence – right now!

After I posted my blog that described my 6:15 am early morning walk on Friday, a friend cautioned me about walking alone in the darkness and recommended I get a stun gun or another protective device. I appreciated his concern and told him I live in a safe 55+ community. I asked if he knew the old hymn “In the Garden” that went like this: "I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses. And the voice I hear falling on my ears, the Son of God discloses. And He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own. And the joy we share as we tarry there -- none other has ever known!" Oh, the sweet early morning encounters! I am so not alone.

That “open my eyes to His presence” made me recall the huge statute at Emmaus Church in Austin and the story of the two disciples journeying home to Emmaus after the death of Jesus. (Luke 24:13-35) They didn't believe the rumor that Jesus was alive and were in doubt and despair. Then, out of nowhere, the Divine Tag-a-Long, the Risen Jesus, began to walk with them. They didn’t recognize Him even when He shared many Old Testament stories. When it came time for dinner, they invited the stranger to join them. Jesus accepted and when He blessed and broke the bread, their eyes were opened and they saw that their guest was Jesus.

Suddenly those two disciples went from doubt and despair to faith in the Risen Lord. And, I think Jesus was walking with me yesterday, specifically to open my eyes to the truth of the matter. He is ALWAYS walking with me – with us. Especially when we are in doubt and despair and concern – right here, right now in the middle of these COVID-19 times to acknowledge we're not alone and to stand strong in faith in OUR Risen Savior. Yes, it feels like we’re walking through a strange land and are traveling down a road of wondering why this is happening – why so many people have died or are suffering from the pain of loss of a loved one or the loss of a job or the loss of a dream. "Why is God permitting things like this to happen?"

Just like the two disciples, we are sometimes caught up in our doubt and despair and we can't see Jesus as He travels with us. They couldn't see the Divine Tag-a-Long Who made their hearts burn as He shared scriptures with them. But, right in the very moments of their doubt and despair, Jesus was working on their hearts. He had a plan all along to reveal Himself to them. They would be two of the first disciples that He would prove He was alive and well. And so it is in our lives. God is at work in the details of our lives. He chooses our everyday doubts and despair to open our eyes to Jesus Who is with us.

The Risen Jesus wants to be invited to walk alongside us in every facet of our lives -- in the craziness of our kids running rampant, in the painful times of a loved one's passing or unable to be with our loved ones. He walks beside the frontliners. God is a good, good Father and any good that is happening during these times -- is from God HImself. He is walking with us and talking with us and telling us we are His own -- and He would never leave us or forsake us. May we allow Him to remind us that wherever we are and whatever we're going through, He is with us. Remember, just as His disciples recognized Him in the simple breaking of bread, His Holy Presence is with us in the simplicity of our every day lives. Lord, please open our eyes to You, today! You are here with us right here, right now!