Hard Decisions Don't Come With a Flip of a Coin

We sat in a parking lot, staring blankly ahead with the doctor’s words still ringing in our ears. “Immediately, go for a CT scan so we can see how far the cancer has spread. This is a life or death situation.”

We were stunned despite the signs and the pain my husband had been in for months. But this man who I loved with all my being, was obstinate about the news. “I will not be afraid, and I will not succumb to doctors’ reports. I will place my trust in God, and I will not waver. No one, except God, is going to tell me what to do. And I need to talk with Him first.” We weren’t in agreement. I wanted us to at least get the tests and medical reports asap, so we knew what to be believing for, but he wasn’t about to be pushed around. I was in tears. His heels dug deep into the car's floorboard. I asked if I could call our daughter for prayer. He agreed. Her tender, loving voice said: “Let’s pray.” She prayed a prayer of absolute certainty that God was in control and we didn’t have to fear or dread. “Daddy, no one is making you have this surgery, but doesn’t it make sense to at least get the tests to see where everything is at?” Daddy’s girl got to Daddy’s heart AND stubbornness. And so, the pain in his back that he tolerated for months, set us on a course for a journey of faith like we never imagined.

We found ourselves facing a critical juncture in our faith. The tests, the results and the doctors’ absolute insistence on the emergency surgery to remove the tumor that consumed his #10 vertebrae or face being paralyzed, created a dilemma. We could do nothing, stand strong and believe that God had a long life of health and wellness ahead and live in a state of anxious denial (a place he’d been living for too long already). Or, we submit to the medical professionals’ recommendations and work toward finding acceptance, faith and peace in God’s guidance – step by step daily. After united prayer with our family – the latter was chosen. Surgery would take place in a couple of days. The hard choices of life don’t usually come with a flip of a coin. Sometimes it takes a village to help us decide.

And, sometimes peace is a choice that doesn’t always come naturally for us. My husband was that guy that liked to be in control of, well, everything. Mr. Type-A personality wanted to know exactly how the day would go and then manipulate his surroundings to fit what feels safe, secure, and right to him. That worked well for him for years, but life didn’t comply with his version of how things should be. He had to release his grip on control which was more difficult for him than the cancer.

Why am I deliberating on what happened almost ten years ago? Because, I sense that there are many who are, by nature – control freaks – like my husband was – and you are having to release control in your lives – particularly since Covid sprung itself on our world. Once we settled into the rhythm of peace, trust, and hope, the next few months, though often grueling, were also times of comfort and witnessing God’s amazing grace -- time and time again. God’s Word filled in the weak places with scriptures like Isaiah 54:10, “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor My covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, Who has compassion on you.”

In the months that followed, we found ourselves navigating into the unknown, and sometimes didn’t really feel the peace, but we knew it was there for the taking, like that scripture says. So, we made a choice to believe it, whether we felt it or not. And, here I am these ten years later, and I daily choose to believe that the peace that surpasses all understanding still covers my life even when it’s chaotic and stress-filled.

I believe that is what Horatio Spafford had in mind when he penned the words “It is well with my soul” after losing his son, his business, and then his four daughters (who drowned in a shipwreck). It is well -- doesn’t mean declaring that we are unaffected in the face of hardship. It is simply choosing to believe that love, peace, and hope are true. That they are promises we can believe no matter what comes our way. So, though my heart hurt when I was my husband’s midwife after months of doing all we could do and praying all we could pray to get him well, I chose peace and hope knowing that God would redeem my pain. And He has. He will for you, too.

Comfort and Peace in the Storm

I’m continuing my blog series about these two furry grand-dogs that I’m keeping while my children are away. It’s Sunday morning and I get a wake-up call, rather a wake-up barking at 4:30 am from Emma, the Yorkie. I’m not a happy camper. Who wants to be awakened by a barking alarm? My sleep is very important to me because I get so little of it. So the little I get doesn't want to be disturbed. I prance into my granddaughter’s bedroom where Emma sleeps and I shoosh her. I get back to my room and determine to get just a few more minutes of shut-eye, then I hear thunder bellowing loudly. Aw! So that’s why Emma is barking. She is afraid. I go pick her up and bring her to my bed. She snuggles in closely to me. She is comforted. She is at peace because I represent peace and comfort to her.

Rarely do I veer off-course from my life experiences in my blogs. That’s on purpose. St. Paul said, in 2 Corinthians 1:4 "That you may be comforted with the same comfort that I have been comforted with." And, indeed, that is my desire to bring comfort – not to just a furry friend, but to comfort others with the many times of comfort that I have been comforted with during my own “thunderous, stormy and difficult times. I want to help others learn their lessons.....much faster than I do.

I found that when the storms come, it’s our nature to get worried –- like little Emma. She doesn’t understand loud thunder. And, maybe we don’t either. Oftentimes, praying and seeking God for the answer is the last thing we do to escape our storms. "Well, I've tried everything else.....so as a last resort, I'll ask God for help!" We do our best to try to figure it all out, when He Who knows everything about everything has it all figured out. He is just waiting for us to cry out to Him for the answers.

The disciples knew Jesus was on the mountain praying. They discounted the fact that He was the authentic, unparalleled storm chaser and peace maker. They toiled and feared in their boat on the stormy waters, but Christ was praying on the mountainside for them because He saw the storm come up and He saw their fear. And we should realize that He sees and knows the storms we're going through and He is hearing our prayers in the midst of OUR storms.

Little Emma snuggles in close to me and even as I type this blog this early Sunday morning, she sleeps on, and, in fact -- snoring. If my tender heart cares for the concerns of this little dog, how much more does our loving Heavenly Father care about us? He is always inviting us to “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) We can know this: There is no difficulty in life that is stronger than Jesus. We can snuggle in close to Him and face our difficult times with courage because He promised to ALWAYS be with us! I love knowing that His peace is ours during our storms....and how reassuring to know that right behind this storm is a rainbow of blessing! He promised it, and I've come to count on it!

Behind Locked Doors Because of Fear

I'm so happy the Easter Story doesn’t end with the resurrection. There's so much more! The next verse in John 20:19 says this: “That Sunday evening the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders." They locked the door, they shut themselves off, they locked away the world. Out of fear. And what does Jesus do? He shows up in spite of locked doors and says "Peace be with you"! Can you imagine? “Here today and gone tomorrow. Gone yesterday, here today!” Abracadabra! He was there.....right there!

The disciples were hiding because they were afraid. Bless their hearts. I can’t blame them. The Lord had been crucified and maybe they were next. They didn’t grasp the words of Jesus that they had heard throughout the three years they were with Him. He said over and over “Do not fear!” "Do not be afraid!"

Today, you may have things that you are really afraid of -- spiritually/emotionally/physically. You may be really afraid. It’s okay. We’ve all felt that way; we’ve all been there. And what we want to do when we are afraid, is lock the doors. Don’t do it. Hear the words of Jesus – peace. He has this. He’s alive. He has overcome. We don’t have to be afraid. We don’t. Trust. Love. Laugh. Live. We don’t have to lock the doors of our hearts anymore. We can trust. We can. Today, and each day.

I read a precious mom’s FB post a couple of days ago. She is pregnant with triplets and while one baby appears to be healthy, he/she is being compromised by the other two who have major issues. That is reason enough to fear. But, I also read how she is choosing joy and peace in the midst of their crisis. And, like that young mom, we can’t protect ourselves from pain. But every day we can choose faith, joy, and peace over fear.

Suddenly Jesus was in the disciples' presence. Fear must bow to the presence of God. When we invite Him into our circumstances, peace comes in with Him. Suddenly everything He said over and over again was true. The disciples had a history with Him and so do I. I survived many crises and I’m still standing. The faithful God of my past is my trustworthy and faithful God today. When I’m afraid, I need to welcome His presence into my room and my heart – turning on worship music, finding solace in prayer and fellowship with other faith-filled friends. Bottom line, I chase fear away with knowing that right in the middle of my “locked doors” is Jesus in the room with me and because He’s here, I know Romans 8:28 will be the end result! “We know that in all things God works for good with those who love him, those whom he has called according to his purpose." Let's unlock the door of our hearts today. We won't give into fear. We welcome the sweet presence of Jesus in and we receive His peace!