The Keys to a Happy, Lifelong Marriage

It’s not often that I would post someone else’s words verbatim, but when I heard these (on audiobook), I knew I had to share them with those I love most. They opened my eyes to my own marriage, the struggles we had early on, the ups and downs we encountered and though our journey became sweeter as the years went by, we would have surely saved ourselves so much angst and been on a faster track by following, applying and living by these beautiful keys. If you’re still blessed to be married, I encourage you to print these out and start living by them – especially when it comes to the bumps in the road along the way. You know – when you’re sleeping on the edge of your bed so you don’t touch your loved one or when you’re giving each other the silent treatment…..again or when the “D” word comes up in your conversation or when you or your loved one’s words become less than praiseworthy. These keys are from Karen Kingsbury’s book, “When We Were Young”. The book is so real, raw and relevant to our day and times. I transcribed them to share with you. Here are “The Keys to a Happy Marriage”:

1) Keep God first. By loving God more than your spouse, you will always be humble enough to love your spouse more than humanly possible. This makes for a beautiful marriage. Matthew 6:33 -- “But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.”

2) Divorce is not an option. From the beginning, remove the word “divorce” from your vocabulary. People do not look for a door where one does not exist. Mark 10:9 -- “Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.”

3) Marriage is not 50/50. There will be days when one of you falls short. Make it your goal to give 100% every day. That way, you’re both covered. Everyday forever. Colossians 3:23 -- “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord.”

4) Know your spouse’s love language. People speak love in different ways: gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, intentional time. Figure out how to speak to each other so that the love between you will grow. Romans 12:9 -- “Love must be sincere.”

5) Expect the best of each other. Forgive easily. Attitude is everything in marriage. Look for ways to humbly be kind to your spouse. Keep short accounts. Don’t worry about being right. Ephesians 4:2 -- “Be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Colossians 3:13 -- “Bear with each other and forgive one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

6) Keep dating. Your marriage must be a priority. Seek God first, then your spouse. Never stop dating and pursuing each other. Value and celebrate your love. Song of Solomon 3:2 -- “I must seek the one my soul loves.”

7) Build each other up. Kind words are free. Look for ways to encourage each other. Every day. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 -- “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”

8) Laugh often. Find reasons to be silly. Smile and be lighthearted. You’ll laugh about it later so make up your mind to laugh about it today. Proverbs 17:22 -- “A cheerful heart is good medicine.”

9) Live within your means. Couples who get in debt, stay stressed. Living within your means can be great fun. Take walks. Play board games. Visit your park. Clip coupons. Hebrews 13:5 -- “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have.”

10) Fix yourself. Not your spouse. Work to be kinder and gentler. Be the person your spouse married. Listen well. Be intentional. Matthew 7:3 “ -- Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in
your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

And my own final words for thought and application to you: Live like there is no tomorrow. Live with no regrets. Be writing your love story every day so that when you or your loved one steps over to heaven’s side and awaits you there, you’ll carry with you so many precious memories of undying passion and love
right on into eternity. I did and I do.

Dual Citizenship Has Its Privileges

I had an “aha” moment when I handed over my passport at the Mexico customs entry. I was handing over my Rite of Passage.

Having a passport goes way back to my teenage years but taking the time to read the first page of it goes back to last Sunday. This is what I read: "The Secretary of State of the United States of America hereby requests all whom it may concern to permit the citizen/national of the United States named herein to pass without delay or hindrance and in case of need to give all lawful aid and protection." I read those words and felt privileged.

I’ve used my passport to take me through many border crossings and I like to think that if I had ever had any kind of difficulty, anywhere in the world, I could have shown them this little blue book embossed in gold and people would have helped me because of what our country stands for in the world -- "land of the free and the home of the brave". Too many have shed precious blood for our liberties and our privileges. I’m more proud than ever to carry an American passport. Also, I love seeing the customs agent flipping my passport pages to find a blank space to stamp that country's seal to prove I was there. Every stamp represented the privilege of entering that country with the backing of my country behind me.

Because my husband was a natural born citizen of Canada, our children are dual citizens -- of the U.S. where they were born and are also Canadian citizens. As his wife, I was welcomed in. We were graciously given the same privileges of other Canadian citizens.

But the grandest news is to have dual citizenship of this world and the citizenship of the Kingdom of God. Ephesians 2:19-20 says, "So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus Himself being the cornerstone." Being a child of God comes with the privileges of being loved by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

I love, honor and respect my dual citizenship: in the U.S. AND in the Kingdom of God. As citizens and representatives of both, there are responsibilities to love, honor, protect and respect our privileges, to represent both kingdoms well. If I didn’t live in the U.S. and hadn’t become a part of the Kingdom of God, I suspect I’d be clamoring to get in. In the Kingdom of God, the borders are wide open -- no walls, fences, and no “Do Not Enter” signs. WHOEVER you are, you can get in, too! Just look at the WHOEVERS-MAY-COME into this privileged Kingdom:

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that WHOEVER believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

“I am come a light into the world, that WHOEVER believes on me should not abide in darkness.” (John 12:46)

“And it shall come to pass, that WHOEVER shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (Acts 2:21)

Because of the cross, Christians know where we’re headed, and because of the cross, we are guaranteed citizenship. It is the country we belong in, the home and land we’ve been looking for all our lives. The color of our passport is blood red and our eternal visa has already been irrevocably stamped. We can’t always know what our house will look like or what country we will call home for any given season, but all believers can have full confidence and deep comfort that, because of Christ, God has prepared a place for us. Indeed, we are privileged dual citizens!

There’s No Age Limit for Love and Romance

They say love strikes when you least expect it. And yesterday it was proven 100% to be true. Nancy, my “single-for-17-years” dear friend lived just across the pond from me. We were among the first who moved into our brand new Hyde Park community in Tulsa in 2012. And, Bill and his wife, moved into the community a couple of years later. Bill’s wife of 57 years passed away last year and a few months later, he and Nancy started dating. The two of them have so much in common. He was formerly a Baptist pastor with a Ph.D. in Greek New Testament, and U.S. Air Force Chaplain for 30 years and Nancy has been a Bible teacher, piano player/teacher and choir member at her Tulsa’s First Presbyterian Church. Sincerely, it was a match made in heaven. There’s a real plus to a marriage at this season of their lives (both are 77). Unlike their first marriages, both of them have the big life questions figured out: kids, jobs, and finances. When Nancy announced to her son “We’re getting married!” he said, “Mom, aren’t you rushing things a little bit?” Her reply was “Son, time is not on our side!”

I get it. Falling in love at any age is a wonderful experience, but I understand there are many bonus benefits when you’re older. It can bring companionship, encourage you to stay physically active (both Nancy and Bill are golfers, pickleball players and they love to travel). When I was visiting with Nancy after she and Bill had just become engaged, I said “Nancy, are you sure you’re ready to give up the TV remote to him, cook for him, wash his clothes, give up all the singles activities, and give up choosing your own schedule for everything?” She replied, “100%, yes!” I said, “Yes, my friend, you’re in love!”

How blessed I was to watch them “seal the deal” yesterday in a most beautiful wedding ceremony in the First Presbyterian Church chapel in which many of our Hyde Park community were there to witness this joyful time of joining this amazing couple together. We like to think that our Hyde Park community deserves a lot of credit for this union, but Pastor Jim Miller said “It is so much more than that. It is God’s providence, grace, love and His way of surprising His beloved children.“ The pastor had met with the couple before marrying them and so he spoke of Bill’s words about their upcoming nuptials. “It takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village to raise a senior citizen. My village helped me survive the loss of my wife of 57 years. My village made it possible to love again and embrace this wonderful, unimaginable, beautiful, precious…my Nancy. My village has names: my sons and their wives, my brothers and their wives, my grandchildren. Nancy brings so much more than I do. Her strong faith, her transparency, and openness touch me and others.” Pastor Miller went on and shared Nancy’s words that revolved around “chapters”. “I never thought I’d be married again. I am so blessed beyond my wildest dreams to have this incredible new chapter added to my life. I know these words explain it: Matthew 6:33 “Seek FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and ALL THESE THINGS will be added to you.”

Pastor Miller went on “We need to be around people like Nancy and Bill. They’ll speak to how God intersects our lives." About that time a sharp, loud crack of lightning & thunder sounded outside. Pastor Miller retorted: "That is the way life goes -- like a bolt of lightning cracking in our lives and we wonder, does God really care? What gives your life centering at times like that? The answer is the One who carried the cross. (He pointed to the cross behind him.) That "centering" makes the difference in the chapters of the story that Nancy spoke about. There is a crimson thread of God’s grace and mercy in this love story."

I loved it when Pastor Miller held up Nancy’s ring and called it “a promise ring”. Promises are made to keep. Maybe you’re reading this blog today and thinking “Geeez….I’ve been waiting for MY true love a long time and it seems he/she will never come. I think Nancy and Bill’s “surprise” was no surprise at all to God. It was the answer to their prayers because as Matthew 6:33 says…..”Seek God and His righteousness with all your hearts….(They did!) AND all these things will be added to you (And, those things were added to a couple that certainly proved those words). Maybe God is getting ready to surprise you, too!

Allll Aboard -- for the Joy-of-Life Bandwagon!

Yesterday is gone and THIS IS THE DAY the Lord has made, so let's be JOY-full and be glad for it!

When you’ve had as many DAYS on this earth as I’ve had, you recognize each new day as a blessed day of start-overs, do-overs, rejoice-overs and be-glad-in-it overs. I live in a 55+ community and when we say to each other “Good Morning! How are you doing today?”, you'll usually hear “GREAT! I woke up. I'm still here!" LOL! So if we’re still here – whatever age we are -- that means that God has plans and purposes for us to fulfill in this new day. My favorite "life" quote is: “If I'm not dead; I'm not done!” So that means I must be the best and do the best I can at who God created me to be each and every day.

Being my best is riding daily on the joy-of-life bandwagon – not only for my good which invigorates me and gives me purpose, but to help others (those who get all caught up in the seriousness and practical demands of life) get back the joy of life, too. You know those folks that wake up on the wrong side of the bed. They get so focused on making a living, that they succumb to life by living each day in an almost robotic routine. They forget the child within them and they lose a lot of the flavor and spice of life. They don’t stop to smell the roses, to be struck with wonder anymore, like they did as children. I love this photo of the little girl chasing the chickens -- that's the closest photo I could find that defines me in my wild chicken chases!! I purpose to be the last one standing!

I never want to EVER lose that youthful pleasure and joy of life throughout the entire length of my life. Here's why I'm campaigning for a fully occupied joy-of-life bandwagon with others who want to live audaciously, free of the dismal, woe-is-me hang-ups. I love being silly with my friends, my children, and my grand-kids. I love belly laughing with them. Since I’ve been caring for all these animals, I’ve been belly laughing so much at myself and with others who are laughing with me. Last night, another two of the hens were out and this morning another of the smaller hens was out. I'm so silly that I like to think that God and my mischievous husband are the masterminds behind these little chicken culprits. They're probably belly laughing in heaven as they watch me tearing through the bushes after them.

You might ask me the secret to waking each day with being intentional with joy. It’s the same as when a friend of mine was expressing some major health concerns she was having. Not because she had issues, but her family had them, and now she was fearing the same thing would happen to her. I gave her many scriptures to take like they were a prescription daily – speaking to her body and mind with God’s promises and words. The same with me -- when I start to feel depleted of joy…I take a “God’s Word” scripture “The joy of the Lord is my strength” Nehemiah 8:10; "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence, there is fullness of joy." Psalm 16:11

Here's the truth of the matter -- none of us are free from life’s challenges, tragedies, pressures, or even suffering. We have known the sorrow of loss, the fears, and challenges of illness, but we don't have to allow any of those things to crush our child-like playfulness. We can prove that true joy and happiness can even be experienced in the midst of life’s challenges.

Being more like the “little children” that Jesus encouraged us to be to enter the Kingdom of God just may be the attitude of living life fully, with great joy and gusto, too!

I've got a seat reserved for you on the joy-of-life bandwagon with me.. Come on. Get on board! The ride is oh so sweet.....and hilarious. Just maybe you'll see a frenzied, but joy-filled blonde-haired lady chasing chickens down the road!! It will be worth the ride!

Love in any Language Fluently Spoken Here

"Love in any LanIn the 70s, my husband was Vice-President of International Faith Bible College and we were the “chosen ones” to lead a missions trip to Mexico which consisted of college students and our two young children….in a school bus. That was our introduction to missions as a family, and it would prove to be the seed that launched our family's love for missions. That first trip to Monterrey, Mexico made for a very long journey, as the bus had mechanical issues along the way, the seats were uncomfortable, and we were a weary group…..but that didn’t squelch our zeal and determination for what was before us. We were excited that we were on our way to make a difference in some precious people’s lives. We were coming with our American-style of worship, praise and ministry to help those dear people. As it turned out, we were the ones who were most blessed and impacted as we witnessed their all-out love for God and their uncomplaining attitudes as they walked for miles just to get to church to worship God. Their love wasn't based on what they could get from God. It was based on their love for the ONE Who gave His all for them.

The message is loud and clear that we are all people who love and need to be loved. Back when my kids played with the little kids in Mexico -- language was no barrier. And I saw that in the photos and reports from Payton Wallace and Alexia Wallace while on their missions trip to Guatemala last week.

We were able to be a small part of that trip because of the free "WhatsApp" technology that kept us in touch with them, despite where they were. WhatsApp is a free app you can download on your phone and wherever you may be, you can stay connected to friends and family via texting and photos. That's exactly what we were able to do with Payton and Alexia. We loved seeing the photos of the kids, along with the quick text messages. They gave skits in costumes and messages that conveyed God's love to the kids and people there. One of their text messages: "Over 300 kids just gave their lives to Christ". Another message from Payton: "I just gave the altar call and it was amazing. Almost all of them accepted Christ." Another message, another night: "The numbers for the message was 79 people showed up; 40+ accepted Christ." Overall, over 3,000 people received Christ because of a group of American kids loved enough to share their love of Christ to them.

What is it that we have in common with people regardless of language, religion and culture barriers? Love knows no bounds. Whether we're in Mexico, Guatemala, Tibet or right smack dab in the middle of our home towns, love conquers all. An arm around the shoulder of someone, a smile, a handshake, and a hug -- are all "I love you's".

I cherish and share the words of Payton and Alexia's proud Mom, Staci, today:
"As I see my kids living the legacy that was set by their grandfather and their great-grandfather, I know that the greatest gift I will ever give them is not a bank account of riches but a legacy of love and a heart for missions. Thank you, Jesus, for this precious opportunity to pour into our children and see them carry-on the greater things of life. We are about advancing the Kingdom of God and I feel so blessed in knowing that my children have fallen in love with the message of Christ and are dedicated to using their lives to making Him known."

Love in any language, straight from the heart
Pulls us all together, never apart
And once we learn to speak it, all the world will hear
Love in any language, fluently spoken here